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Geez, take a look at yourself, dude...you're a wreck. Go ahead, look in the mirror. Your eyes are red...your nerves are shot...you've just spent the last 30 hours slaving away over an assignment from that fool English Lit professor who's always on your case. Face it, man, you're at the end of your academic rope and it's time for a break. You have a deep, unspoken desire to be somewhere on a golden beach with the warm Caribbean breeze caressing your pale, zit-covered face. Somewhere far away from the horrors of higher learning. A place where the music is hot, the people are cool, and no one cares about Quantum Mechanics. You need a trip to South Beach—now.
But, then there's that persistent money problem of yours that always spoils the fun. The fact is, you've already blown all your money on educational necessities (beer, golf balls, beer, etc.) and now you're seriously short of funds. Well no problemo, Jackson, we're going to show you how to make the scene in South Beach on minimum scratch. And our first task is to get you there...ready? If you're coming from the Northeast, as of right now, you can fly into Miami International Airport for prices starting at $89. You can also fly into Ft. Lauderdale for $69 and take the $15 shuttle down to Miami Beach, which will save you a few bucks. The ride from Ft. Lauderdale takes about 45 minutes. Either way, don't rent a car. It will only be a burden to you in Miami Beach, especially when it comes time to park it. Valet parking is $20+ per day, and even the municipal parking lots are about the same price. Bottom line is, everywhere you'll want to go is either walking distance or a 5 minute cab ride. Hotels On the remote possibility that you aren't the typical college student and you actually do have enough money to pay for a real hotel room, then read no further. You can simply start your hotel search in the hotels section and you're on your way to paradise. However, we both know what the story is, don't we: you've already spent 99% of your fun-money this semester and now you're tapped-out. But, if you can scrounge-up a few bucks worth of loose change from underneath the cushions of your roommate's couch, you can stay at what is actually a pretty cool little place—the Clay Hotel's Hostel on Espanola Way. The Clay has a great location close to the clubs on Washington Avenue (it's knee-walking distance from Cameo); it's close to tons of premier restaurants (which you can't afford, so forget we mentioned it); and it's only two blocks from the beach—which, luckily for you is free. Yeah, we know the Clay isn't the most glamorous thing in town, but then neither was your last bank statement, so here are their rates...
Your fellow guests at the Clay's Hostel will be a somewhat international crowd consisting of travelers from France, Germany, Italy and even Japan. The Hostel consistently receives top ratings from its guests, and the international travel guidebook, Lonely Planet recently named the Clay Hotel ''the most beautiful hostel in America'' for 2005. Okay, the next level up on the fun-city food chain is a series of moderately priced Art Deco hotels that have proven quite popular with the youth brigade due to their excellent location and merciful pricing. The Whitelaw
Hotel
Great location one block off the beach at rock-bottom prices starting at $50.25. Rooms are done in an all-white motif, AND they provide complimentary cocktails for you during their nightly happy-hour in the lobby. (hubba-hubba) The Shelley Hotel
Again, great location one block off the beach, with rates starting at $52. The Shelley provides continental breakfasts, nightclub passes, complimentary newspapers and airport shuttles (very rare in Miami Beach). Has free Internet, marble bathrooms, and 82 cable TV channels in case you need to stay indoors and nurse a terminal hang-over. The San Juan
Hotel
The San Juan hotel is one block north of Lincoln Road and across the street from the Delano. Rates start at $62 and for that price you are about as close to the geographic center of Miami Beach action as one can get: one block to the Raleigh, two blocks to the upper Collins Avenue nightlife district (Mynt, Rok Bar, Sky Bar) and 3-4 blocks from Cameo and Mansion. Other right-priced Miami Beach hotels to keep in mind are...
From there the prices march right on up past $15,000 per night for the penthouse at the Shore Club, which is actually a steal when you consider that right next door the top floor at the Setai goes for a cool $20G's per night. But, we'll talk about those places in a few years once you've made full partner in that Madison Avenue firm—or hit the lottery.
Nightlife Or can you? If you've been paying attention, you noticed that some hotels provide passes to the clubs. FREE passes, that is. So choose your hotels wisely, and consider all the amenities they offer. Now, you must keep in mind that entry into South Beach clubs is always at the discretion of the door-god, and, rightly or wrongly, the people working the door attempt to select patrons who are the hippest/coolest/best dressed people in the crowd. What that means in plain English is, don't expect to land in the VIP room at Mansion sipping Mojitos with Paris Hilton if you're dressed like you just rode into town on the midnight mango truck. Remember, No sneakers; No hats; No basketball jerseys; and No frat-wear—they won't be impressed by your Zeta-Beta-Zoota t-shirt. There's also a novelty occurrence used widely in Miami Beach that works heavily in your favor to help keep your expenditures under control. In a attempt to entice customers to come in and try them out early on, many clubs offer FREE drinks until 11pm. And since you're almost a college graduate, we trust you'll know what to do with that piece of information. South Beach clubs are ALL 21 & over, and they tend to cater to the flash and glam crowd, which means a night out in the clubs isn't cheap. But, if you're under the 21 age limit or if $12-a-pop cocktails are cramping your style, you can always grab a cab over to downtown Miami and checkout the scene at several hot clubs in Miami's club district where the price of fun and games is a little more reasonable. The District Restaurant & Lounge heats up most weekends, and you can also do PS14 at 28 NE 14th Street. Dining But, when you get to the point where you just can't face another Cheese Whopper and you're in the mood to splurge, try a few outdoor cafes on Lincoln Road for a taste of the real Miami Beach. Nexxt Cafe at 700 Lincoln Road is the perennial favorite cafe-cum-babe-watching spot in all of Miami Beach, and Hofbrau at 941 Lincoln Road also offers great food at non-stratospheric prices. For a very reasonably priced Cuban cafe, try Puerto Sagua at 700 Collins Avenue. And one last thing to remember. Rubbing
shoulders with the smart-set in South Beach amid all that
glamour can sometimes cause one to lose
track of the important things in life, namely, the people you meet and the friends
you make. Don't let your currently humble financial position
in life get you down.
You have the best deal going. You're 21 (more or less
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) and you're
partying in South Beach. Let the good times roll!
